In the eye of a Monster

[Kai Richard Walker]

Kai looked at himself in the mirror, his heart pounded in his chest as he saw a monster. He studied the scars on his face, the ones he had received in battles of late. He believed that he deserved the wounds and to live with the scars. For it was his hand that had beaten that of a loved one. For that he had allowed to be beaten himself. Although he would have felt better if it had come from the loved one so sorely beaten. Growing angry with himself he lifted his fist and slammed it into the mirror. He looked down at the shattered the pieces and he growled softly and left the room, leaving the pieces shattered all over the floor.

He missed Kaz, his heart ached every minute of everyday since she has been away. It killed him knowing that she was thinking unthinkable things about him. It killed him to know that she feared him. He desperately needed to fix things between them, to mend the cracks in their hearts. Picking up his coat he stepped outside into the cool dusking air. He didn’t know what would come of this but he had to try, he couldn’t sit around anymore.

Kaz’s house wasn’t far from his own, a few good minutes of walking was all that was the distance. Soon he reached her house and stopped outside on the footpath. He looked up at her home and sighed as he knew she was home, he saw the lights on in the living room. Swallowing the lump on his throat he stepped up the drive way and settled himself at her front door. He reached up and knocked loudly on the wood that was her front door. Once his hand was down by his side again his heart raced with nervousness. For the first time in his life he was frightened of what might happened tonight with Kaz.

[Kaz Victoria McCoy]

The air in her lungs fell completely out, as her knees under her gave out. Her reaction time was slow, before she could do anything, she was eating mat. Disgusting, reeking of feet mat as she laid her head down on it, before turning over. The impact with the ground having rushed all of the wind out of her lungs, knocking the wind out of her, it seemed like more then the wind as she laid there on the ground of the boxing ring in the Tigers gym. She could feel eyes on her, but she only moved her arm over her eyes for a moment, before getting up and walking out of the gym before anyone could see the tears watering in her eyes. Fighting only kept her pain away for a moment, and suddenly she was alone again running home.

"Maria!" she cried out, her voice filling the empty spaces of her home before she'd heard the click of the front door behind her. She knew Maria was here, and if it wasn't Maria then it was Andres, either way didn't matter to her, she just wanted to see one of them. It seemed everyone could see how reckless Kaz was getting. Maria and Andres were sweet young, they'd taken it upon themselves to see Kaz didn't die, but everyone knew she was killing herself, she was just in so much pain these days. When it wasn't physical it was mental, being without Kai, it was killing her, the pain in her chest was eating her alive without her permisson and she couldn't stop it. Maria entered the room, she was only 5 "1 tiny, and mexican, but when she put her hands on her hips she reminded Kaz of her mother, "Go" she pointed towards Kaz's room.

Kaz didn't fight with Maria, she knew inside it was pointless, and while typically she would have fought with someone even if it was pointless. She just slipped away without saying a word, she didn't fuz threw her bandaging her, and making sure nothing was broken, she sat there, thinking of the nights she'd done these things for others, she needed another distraction, Duke barking at the door gave her one until she opened the door, her hair down it was longer then she'd ever had it before, half way down her back, she was in a half shirt with sleeves with shorts. Her eyes went up and down him, "Kai" she let the name slip from her lips, as she closed the door behind her and came outside. Her mind thought of the last time he'd come over, but she didn't, her heart ached with loneliness, she was tired of trying not to be around him. Her lips parted but she said nothing as her eyes went up and down him.

[Kai Richard Walker]

Kai could heard duke running towards the door and then his barking sounded on the other side. His nervousness grew more and more and his heart pounded against his chest like it wanted to escape the cage it was concealed in. He rubbed his forehead as he heard footsteps walking towards the door. He stepped back a little he didn’t want to be right there when she opened the door. The handle turned and clicked and the light from inside poured out over him. He smiled as he saw her and stuffed his hands into his pockets. His heart skipped a beat or two as she spoke his name and stepped outside. She looked drawn and a little sick but she still looked beautiful to him. “Hey Kaz” he said looking down at the ground. He just wanted to hug her and never let her go. “I was just stopping by to see how you were?” he said looking up at her again. He wanted to do more then that he wanted to make things right, he wanted to make her see that he loved her and never wanted to be away from her again. He wanted to tell her that he didn’t care if people knew they were together, he wasn’t afraid having the gang know about them.

[Kaz Victoria McCoy]

If your house was on fire, what would you save? You think you know the answer to that question, but you don't really know until your in that moment, life was filled with moments like that. This. Right here. Kai on her door step. It was one of those moments. Kaz thought she could talk with him, thought she could fall into his arms without saying a word, but life wasn't like that, and now that he was here, she could feel the knots in her stomach making her ache. She wondered if someone has told him to do this, but she cast that thought away, that would mean he actually listened to someone, and other then her, rarely did that happen. She looked down at the ground too, and then to his face, he seemed to have aged with the scratches there, her hand came up, she brushed her finger tips across his cheek, "Didn't I tell you not to mess up your face," she said some what lost in a dream, her mind thinking about the scars, would they scar, would he be cursed with these scars forever. She didn't notice that she'd closed the gap between them, was touching him, she treated him like she would every time he came hurt, she'd take care of him, love him.

[Kai Richard Walker]

Kai looked at her and his breath caught in his throat as she reached up and touched his cheek. Goosebumps jumped up all over his body from her soft finger tips. She always had this effect on him. He could remember back a long time ago, whenever he was away from her for a long time, seeing her after that his heart would race and tiny little Goosebumps would race across his body and he would feel complete again. Just like right now, having her touch him made him feel whole again. She smirked at her words and reached up and placed his hand over hers and held it. “Yes Ma’am sorry about that” he said lowering his hand, her still clutched in his. He stepped a little closer now, he looked down at her and sighed. “I miss you Kaz” he said. “Being away from you is killing me” he finished. He didn’t know what good saying this to her, as he had said it all before and every time she has rejected him and pushed him away, told him things that squeezed his heart. Although every time she pushed him away he knew deep down he deserved it. He prepared himself for rejection again.

[Kaz Victoria McCoy]

Her eyes followed her fingers, as they brushed over his cheek, her mind lost in the daze, the spell that the touch of his skin cast on her. Skin didn't lie, and these scars, only showed more truth, her eyes stared at them, at his features, her eyes hugged him close, and brough him near to her. She sucked in a breath when he took her hand away, she'd forgotten how nice it felt to touch someone with something other than a closed fist. Since the attack Kaz had never been into physical touch outside of a fight, it was to close, to intamite, but when it came to Kai she couldn't get close enough, couldn't have enough of him. She sucked in a breath, even the touch of his fingers on her, he made her heart pound, it was crazy she thought, after all this time.

She tried to shut out the emotions, but she could feel it under her breast as he spoke to her, it was her heart. Breaking. Tears came into her eyes, "Kai she swallowed, feeling like her air was choked off, she couldn't breath couldn't speak. She let go of his hand, and stepped into him, pressing herself against his body, she didn't want to stop anymore. Tears couldn't be held back as they slowly slid down her face, "I miss you," her heart throbbed a little bit when she said the words. Allowing herself to admit how lonley she'd been when they were away from each other. "I love you" her throat closed as she said the words, her hands were back on him, holding his arms, keeping herself connected to him. Until she couldn't stand it anymore, and she was leaning up, looking at him, putting her lips on his.

[Kai Richard Walker]

Kai would spend the rest of his life making it up to Kaz, for what he had done. Even if she said it wasn’t necessary he would do everything he could to make it right again. He wouldn’t let her go again. He wouldn’t et anyone else have her, especially not that Andrew. He wasn’t stupid he knew that he liked her and he wants to steal her away from him. Kai would die first, no he would kill Andrew first before he let him have his Kaz. He left his eyes burn as she spoke his name again. It was tears of happiness, he loved hearing her say his name. She was the only person who got to say his name like that, everyone else was just nothing to him. His arms automatically came up and wrapped themselves around her when she pressed herself against him. Having her body touching his send fireworks throughout his being. Feeling her against him again was like everything happy and everything joyful in his life came rushing back all at once. Soft tears rolled down his cheeks as she told him that she had missed him, it was the best thing he could have heard from her right now. The loneliness was two sided not just one, she missed him just as much as he missed her. He never wanted to let her go again. He never wanted to be apart for her ever again.

She then said something that made him sob with happiness, she said that she loved him. That night at the club she had told him that she loved him but he knew that she didn’t mean it, this time he knew deep in his gut that she meant it and that she couldn’t be with out him. He looked down at her face as she pulled away but still had hold of him, this was glad for as he felt as though he was just going to float away and he wouldn’t be able to get to her. “Oh Kaz” he said her name coming out a little chocked as his windpipe closed around the words. As he stood there looking down at her tear stained eyes he knew that they were going to be alright, he could be by herself again not just as her second but as her lover, as her boyfriend. He was her man and nothing was going to change that. Nobody could change that. She then reached up and placed her lips to his and more tears rolled down his cheeks his left hand came up to rest around the back of her neck and his right went around to rest on the small of her back, bringing her in closer to him. This was the moment he was saved. He was saved for himself. He deserved to die for what he had done to her, he had betrayed her in the worst possible way, but someone decided he needed a second chance.

He kissed her softly for a moment before making the kiss between her more passionate. His heart raced him his chest and everything that was going on around them faded. Duke whinging and scratching at the closed door vanished and the cars passing on the street disappeared, it was just them right now, lips locked hearts pounding. He knew that this was the new beginning of their lives. Things were about to change and this was just the start of it. Finally he broke away from the kiss and reached up and wiped the tears from her face, just like he used to when they were kids. Memories of when they were kids up until this very moment flashed before his eyes as she looked down at her bloodshot eyes. “Kaz will you marry me?” he asked not thinking of the question before he asked it, his was on hibernation and had no control over what he said or did.

[Kaz Victoria McCoy]

She'd been running from it for weeks. Years it felt like on her bones. Running every time it got near to her, but the creature lived under her bed, and it heard her cry herself to sleep. It touched her without her noticing, when she'd stopped. When her feet slowed down from the running she was doing with everything she'd been doing. She wouldn't face the fact when they were apart, but the moment Kai put his arms around her, she couldn't run anymore. He was holding her down, and the tears just came down faster, they stung they were so hot, but she couldn't wipe them away, when she was finally getting what she needed. She wouldn't admit how lonely she was, how much she'd craved to be held, how she needed to be held by someone, but no one but Kai would do, no one was like him to her. He was everything to her, when she needed someone it was always Kai she needed. She admitted it now, she'd been so lonely, and cold, so alone, but feeling him, she closed her eyes, trying to restrain herself from shaking, he was here now.

Her grip slipped on herself, as he sobbed, she couldn't stop the shaking. Like she'd been freezing to death in some winter storm she couldn't see with her eyes, he was an oasis of heat and safety, acting as her savior. She'd been without him for so long, she needed him, her control was out the window as she shook with her tears, as she hed back the screams she wanted to share, she kissed him instead showed him how much she needed him. Everything was forgotten, holding a grudge was only killing her inside, she couldn't stand it anymore. She just wanted to kiss him, wanted to breath, to feel the wind in her lungs the warmness down to her hips after a good proper kiss. He gave her everything she needed with that kiss, and her heart was racing, she was still shaking, but it wasn't sad grief shaking her anymore, it was happiness. He wiped away her tears, she didn't care her eye liner must have looked like shit, or that she was crying, she was just happy, thinking of every other moment when Kai had wiped the tears away, because he was the only one she cried in front of, he was the one she cried for.

A shiver ran down her spine when she spoke, she sucked in breath so fast she coughed a little bit. Did he just say what she thought he did, no there was no way Kai had just said that. But he had she could see it on his face, how was she supposed to respond, she'd never thought about getting married before, she blinked a few times, before pulling him closer and kissing him. She was wearing a smile. "Kai she said his name and looked at him, her arms around his neck, as she held herself close to him, she didn't want to be away from him, she'd spent to many hours wishing he was near to not hold him close when she had him. She didn't know what to say about marriage, she blinked looked at him, just needing him near, what was she supposed to say, well of course yes, but she didn't know the butterflies in her stomach prevented her from saying anything, until she realized why she didn't want to marry him, but at the same time, she couldn't bare to even think about him thinking about another woman, she looked at him. "Why would you ever want someone as damned as me," she said it with that Kaz smirk on her face, the one only she could do, she kissed him. "I want you to be mine

[Kai Richard Walker]

Kai’s heart was pounding in his chest, it felt like hours since the words had left his lips. He had never thought about marriage before. He had always though he was married to the gang, but this was different. Over the last few weeks he had been shown that nothing lasts for ever but he and Kaz was destined to be together forever and he wanted her to be his, asking her to marry him wasn’t something he ever seen himself doing, not because he didn’t love her enough but he didn’t really see the point. Either way he was going to be with her, but now he had come so close to loosing her and he didn’t want to loose her again, making it official with a piece a paper and a set of rings was what he felt he needed. Andrew couldn’t steal her away from him now, not ever. Andrew needed to get over himself and move on, find someone else to steal. He smiled at her words. She was so blind sometimes and that’s one of the things he loved about her.

“We are just as damned as each other, a perfect match if you ask me” he said pulling her closer so that her body was pressed against his, any closer they would merge together and be one. Not that was a bad thing he wanted to be with her in every possible way. Her next words made his heart dance around in his chest, she wanted him to be hers and he wanted her to be his. “I have always been yours” he said and pulled her close, he took in everything, the way her hair smelt the curves in her body. Everything, it was all his.

[Kaz Victoria McCoy]

She couldn't help her instincts to look down at her hand as she thought about this, thought about marriage. Her hands were bare right now, bandages that were aged were spralled across them, covering the wounds she had made on someones face, they were healing nicely she thought, didn't think they'd scar to much more then they already were. Her fingers were long, piano playing hands someone had once told her, but she looked at them, at her marriage finger, and remembered a time when it wasn't bare, when Kai'd married her with a 25 cent ring and kissed her cheek when they were only children and everything was a game. Kaz wouldn't admit it, but she still had that ring in her room, she still smiled when she saw, she thought she'd grow old never marry, why would anyone want to marry her? She was married to her pack, her pride, her tigers, cubs to lions she was married to them devoted to them, and she didn't see anyone wanting to share her with a hundred others. Kai didn't think about it like that, he'd been sharing her for years with them, and all he wanted to know was that she was his inside.

Her tears had stopped and so had her shaking as she started to smile when she was with him, she couldn't keep the smile off of her face she just loved him too much to not be smiling. She laughed at him, and touched his scars, they'd both helped make each other as fucked up as themselves, they'd made each other perfect for them, she smiled, maybe it was why she didn't want anyone else but Kai. I don't believe in perfect, but your as close as it gets" she said, he was her version of perfect, he fit her perfect, her body pressing into his they fit together perfectly. She knew when she looked at him she was never going to leave him, never, she couldn't do it, couldn't put herself threw this pain. "Marriage isn't anything but a paper," she paused kissing his lips. "I don't care about papers, or documents, so long as your mine forever." she admitted. She just wanted to know she would always have him, always be in love with him, he would always be with her, she kissed his neck, she snuggled her face into his neck, taking in the smell of him, she couldn't get enough of him now that she was allowed to touch him.

[Kai Richard Walker]

Kai was hardly perfect, in his eyes he was far from it, but if Kaz though he was pretty close to it he was going to believe her. Her words about marriage flooded his ears and she was right, she was always right, but he just thought it would be nice. He didn’t get to thinking much about the topic as he was distracted by her lips on his, his mind completely emptied as a frenzy washed over his body. He missed kissing her so much that it was like a party all over his body. He kissed her back praying that it was never to end, he could just stay like this forever. It didn’t last as long as he had hoped for as she pulled away and spoke again, her words made him smile, the first true smile in such a long time. “I’m not going anyway, you are stuck with me forever” he said closing his eyes as she kissed his neck, she knew exactly were he liked it. He held her close as she snuggled into his neck. This moment was perfect nothing could ruin it for him.

Just as he thought that the front door opened and Maria appeared in it arch and duke came bounding out jumping up and down and barking next to them, wanting attention. He smiled at Maria but she only glared at him. He looked down at Kaz as in to say, save me. If looks could kill the one Maria was giving him would have killed him right there on the spot.

[Kaz Victoria McCoy]

Home was where the heart was, and if that was true, Kaz's home was with Kai. Because he was here heart, she didn't have a real attachment to any place she put her feet, she didn't get attached to places, but more to people, two people, three maybe. Kai, Andrew, and Ivy, though that last relationship walked on a thin line. Being in Kai's arms was like coming home, it was like being welcomed home after so much time spent away, being with him was comfortable, she couldn't help but flash back to the other day with Andrew when she touched Kai like this. Andrew her heart pounded, he'd be crushed by this she thought, and that thought made her throat constrict, she thought about how she'd been in this same position with him, with him it'd been so different then with Kai, but was different good, was it okay to go out of her comfort zone? She didn't know she couldn't think, she was maybe getting married to Kai, had found feelings for Andrew, still had to look over her gang, she was glad when Maria opened the door, while Duke barking made her jump for a second, she calmed down.

Slipping her arms away from Kai, she touched the top of his head, "Hush Duke" she gave him a stern look, she hadn't missed the look Kai gave her. She smirked a little bit, typically Kai wouldn't let someone stare him down, but Maria was in her house, she knew every detail of what had happened that night, and the physical abuse Kaz had put herself threw lately to get over Kai. She smiled as Maria, "Maria it's time for you to go home." she spoke like the leader not an inch to budge her royal decree. She slipped her hand into Kai's and started to drag him into the house, bringing Duke with her. Maria stood there for a moment, before leaving, but not before giving Kai one more look. Kaz thought about scolding her but she couldn't not with what had happened. Andrews words hung around her mind, she tried not to think about him, she was with Kai, finally back with the man she loved more then anything, she was supposed to be happy, and she was, she was glad she finally was able to be herself. She'd rearranged everything since he'd last been here, she stood there, some how the silence between them was awkward the wall still bore a dent where it'd been hit during the attack, she looked at Kai, she couldn't possibly think he'd ever do that again when he was so sorry.

She wrapped her arms around his middle once they were inside, she closed his eyes. She needed to remain close to him. "I hate being mad at you" and she'd been furious with him these past weeks. Looking up into his eyes, she smiled at him slightly, kissing him to cancel out the noise in her head.

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[Kai Richard Walker]

Kai loved how Duke responded to Kaz, he knew that she was the pack leader and always did what he was told. She had that effect on a lot of things. People in her gang, her animals and on him. Duke sat straight down and watched them intently with his tongue hanging out of his head. Kai smirked down at him, before he looked up and saw Maria. After giving Kaz the look of help his eyes went back to Maria. Her eyes were like burning into him burning into his soul. Before he knew it he was being dragged into the house by Kaz, Duke at his heels, he held his breath as he past Maria and cringed as she scold at him.

He looked around the living room and swallowed the lump in his throat. The last time he was here he was a raving manic and an abusive boyfriend. He hated the vibe he felt from the room but he deserved it he figured. He pushed the thoughts away and placed all his attention on Kaz. How it should be. Kai wrapped his arms around Kaz as she hugged him around the middle. She then told him that she hated being mad at him and he smirked. “Then don’t be” he said looking down at her. Their eyes locked for a brief moment and then it was their lips. It was so perfect he felt as though they were melting together become one. His palm softly cupped her face as he kissed her. He never wanted it to end. The sound of anger escaped his stomach. He hadn’t eaten in a long time. He pulled away from Kaz. “Are you Hungry?” he said very much wanting to cook for her, people might say he was sucking up but he didn’t care.